Xanga entry 43
He sat alone, contemplating the world, people, and his life. Nothing seems to be right. The world rests heavily on his shoulders there is no place for him to escape. The life he lives hangs by a thread of faith and hope.
– Where is the young man we all knew? Where is the young man whose warm smile cheered people? Where is that wild-child whose jokes and games made people feel young again?-
He struggles to comprehend to situation that is put before him. His anxiety grows as he realizes that each passing day is a day closer to being separated from those he has grown close to, those he considers more than just people. The young man they know is not the same young man that they now see.
-What has become of this young man? Why is he unstable? How can you reach out to him when he has grown distant?-
The choices he makes, the answers he gives, the people he knows, the experiences he has experienced, and the voices of people he likes to listen to… they all swirl around his mind, clouding his judgments, making him blind to that fact that he is dancing around a flame. Little by little, closer and closer, he dances around the flame. Unyielding and uncaring, he is yet to be burned.
-Where will he run when his world begins to crumble? How much pain does it take to open his eyes? Will he ever find that which is good for him?-
He comes upon a pond with water so deep and smooth as glass. He takes a look at the reflection, curious to test if looking for love would yield love looking back at him. A wry smile, not from him but from the reflection and it sends chills down his spine. It is not his reflection. It is the reflection of what he was, what he could have been, and what he can be. Nothing made sense to him anymore. The voices once again call out to him and just like the last time, they slowly fade in then abruptly stop. “Why did you change? Why must you be so difficult? Come back to us, come back to the people who know you and care about you,” they cried. Silence.
He is afraid. He is confused. All his angers, fears, tears, sighs, smiles, grins, and laughs compile upon each other in a mass of emotions waiting to burst out into the world. His past, present, and future are one big car wreck from a joy ride that appeared to have no end. His frustration builds up as his emotions get in his way. He wants to give up yet the thread of faith binds him. He can only do so much to set himself free for the moment. The rest of it comes to him in time. In time, all his wounds would heal. In time, the scars will fade.
He continues on looking for something or someone that might make sense to him. Along the way he encounters a bunny. Not knowing what to do, he follows the bunny until he reaches a rabbit hole. The bunny has guided him this far, it is up to him whether to move on or step into the rabbit hole. The hole is dark yet large enough to fit him in. He is unsure if he should enter the hole. His mind creates scenarios upon scenarios of many possibilities and outcomes. Not satisfied with the way his world is moving, he lays down upon the ground next to the bunny, stares at the dark, cloudless sky, and listens as the bunny begins to sing him a song. The song calms his anxiety yet it does not solve his problems. It was never meant to. He closes his eyes and falls asleep to the melody of the song repeating itself in his memories…
Friday, October 22, 2004
He woke up and the bunny was gone. He was curious to see what is inside the rabbit hole. He took a step forward, staring into the abyss and as he took a step forward, he slipped. The fall was a long way down and as he fell, he would get hit by various roots and rocks that were jutting out from inside. He finally reached the bottom, dazed, confussed, and hurt. It was dark and uncomfortable. He stared into the darkness hoping to see a sign of what he has been searching for. He found nothing in the cold darkness. Not a single shred of warmth, not a single spec of light. He felt his way back out of the rabbit hole. When he reached the exit, he looked back and with a heavy sigh, he walked out unsure of what will await him in the future.
Categories: Blogging, Creative Writing, Emo much?